One by One

One person at a time - recently at Stake Conference I remember sitting down to listen and thinking about the state of our world today. There is so much wrong. So many people are hurting and feeling unnoticed. The country is divided. I went to the conference hoping that there would be a glorious message shared as this meeting was 2 days before the election. I have changed a lot this past year. My mind has been opened and I have been prepared to hear a message that I should have been willing to hear and understand before. I listened to the messages in Stake Conference, but the only thing I can really remember is that it was said that change happens one by one; one person at a time.
I remember wondering about that message and how that could help. A couple days later I remember listening to the results of the election and feeling disappointment. The news that ensued was also discouraging. The division in our country was real and it wasn't going to be going away. I remember one thing that many shared on that day is that change happens in our homes. Change happens in our communities. Well, in my case, change happened in me. I realized that these sayings are really true! Somehow I needed to be able to make those changes on a level closer to home. It was nice to dream of being part a grander-scale event. But, the reality is that change happens one on one. The Savior knew that, and He lived that. That is what I need to do to. But, how to do it; that is the key.

This is something that my husband and I have struggled with so much, everywhere we go. We desire to help people, and we desire to love people. We have those same desires for our own needs, we want people to know how to help us, and we want people to love us. We try to do so many things to reach out, but no matter where we go, we never feel like we have made a real, lasting difference in anyone's life. We form friendships of sorts, but in the majority of cases, we continue to long for those deep, long-lasting relationships that are developed only when you truly know, understand, and love people as they really are, imperfections and all.

This was all brought to the front of my mind again today. I wanted to join with my family in the LDS Church's 25 Days in 25 ways challenge. (see link below) I love that this is to help us become like Christ. We listened to Elder Bednar and he shared that the goal isn't to think about Christ, or to even learn more about Him. The goal is to BECOME like Him by doing the kinds of things that He would do. That was really powerful to me. Day one is meant to be a "Day of Service". I was trying to think of ideas to do that my children could be part of. I wanted them each to be actually doing something with their hands that would help them to serve. But, most of all, I wanted it to be something that would be meaningful and not just fulfill a "put a smile on someone's face" need. (Although that is important too.) I guess I hope that those things are things that they and I are already doing - reaching out to talk to someone, saying hello, etc. I wanted this thing - whatever we chose - to be something that would help them to see a noticeable difference. I wanted them to see something transformed. My initial thought was picking up trash; they could all help with that, no matter their age. They would see the change in the area around them and know that they helped to transform it. But, it is too cold for that. Then someone mentioned maybe making "blessing bags" so that we would have something to hand out to people we meet on the street who are asking for help, or for homeless people. The idea was one that went right to my heart. I was excited to do this activity and knew that it would be meaningful to my children. I looked online to see some ideas of things to put inside and happened upon a blog of why they were not as helpful as people may think. There were some views shared by people who had been homeless, and somehow their words spoke to my heart. Really, as I read, what I saw is that people need things so much less than they need to be known. We can be doing all sorts of things for people and not really be helping them at all. If we truly want to help people, we need to know what they need. We can't just guess their needs by assessing them from a distance. It demands talking to them, humanizing them, and loving them. It means trusting them. No two people are the same. No two people have the same needs. There is no "one size fits all" way to help.

It reminded me of some things my husband and I read in the past as he was working on his master's degree. There was a study done with homeless people and what they found was that the thing keeping each person on the street was so different. Each individual's needs were unique. The thing I remember most of all is that the thing that would actually help each individual person to get off the street was different. As people were worked with one by one, and their real needs met, then there was success. Not just short-term success, but lasting real differences in these people's lives.

I remember years ago, when my husband and I were first married. We didn't have much at the time, but we gave some things away thinking that someone else needed them more than we did. A while later, we found that those things had been thrown away. It was hard for me because it had been given at a sacrifice to ourselves. It was a good lesson though because I learned that when I give a gift, I have to be okay with whether others use or get rid of it. I had to remember that I can't have stipulations on my gifts. But, I also learned that I don't feel like giving when I think that my sacrifice will go to waste. Still, there is a desire to help and to serve that we all have. I have reflected on that experience again and again and have come to the same conclusion; if I don't know what someone needs or wants, why would I think that my gift would really fill a need or want? If we want to truly bless someone's life, again, that takes knowing people on an individual basis. If we want to bless a family, we really have to know the whole family.


Our country has so many problems. But, I think that the thing that is saddest of all, is that the thing we are least willing to share with others is ourselves. In a country sense, we don't want our "hard earned money to go to waste". We don't want our money to pay for people's drugs and alcohol. We want people to not just feel entitled to money, etc. We want to put stipulations on how what we give is used; if we don't think it is practical, then they shouldn't want or need it.

It is so hard to let others know what we need or want. It makes us feel vulnerable. I suppose that when it all comes down to it, I really don't know how to find out what those needs are. I am guilty of not really sharing my own feelings or needs. I think we all feel so much need to put on a show, put on a happy face and seem like all is well when our lives are crumbling apart at the seams. I wonder how many people wouldn't ever reach the breaking point if only someone had known sooner and reached out to help. Many times we reach out and "help", but what we are doing isn't really helping. My heart aches for all the times I really should have known what was going on in the lives of the people around me. There are times I have judged people when I should have loved people. In this past conference there was a talk that said, "One of the most significant ways we can develop and demonstrate love for our neighbor is through being generous in our thoughts and words." (Sister Bingham - "I Will Bring the Light of the Gospel into My Home") I can't do much about the past, but I do know "it is never too late to do the right thing". (A campaign slogan that I like) I also know that the thing I can do from my end is be honest with those who ask - what do you need or want? I can share what my real, in the moment needs are. Sometimes those needs can't be filled, but hopefully if they can't, someone can mourn with me. Sometimes those needs will require sacrifice, but hopefully someone will feel that their sacrifices were worth it and made a difference. Sometimes those needs will be simple, but hopefully someone will still take the time because what may seem simple to someone else, may seem like a mountain to me. But, I hope and pray that I can truly learn how to know people enough that they can feel safe sharing those needs with me. I hope that they feel that I can see their individual worth. Hopefully I can look at them as the Savior does and see who they really are, children of God, and I need him as much as anyone else does. He loves each and every one of us. We are here to help lift and sustain each other. My goal this Christmas is to truly know Him and to become more like Him. I have a long way to go, but I know that it will be worth it.

As far as our service - I guess we are going to fill some boxes in our car with things that people we meet might need. If we find through asking that things are needed that we hadn't thought of before, I guess we can add to our supply. Then, we are going to ask them, and to the best of our ability, give them the things that will help them. 

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